There are many misconceptions about love, and choosing a potential mate based on how he or she looks, would certainly prove to be one I hope no one reading this has chosen. If so, read on – this post is for you.
Is Beauty and Love in the Eye of the Beholder
It is said that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, and that the beauty which the eye does behold, goes only as deep as the sixteenth of an inch covering of one’s skin.
Beyond the outward attraction, we don’t always see what we’re getting, do we. It is nearly impossible to see upfront what is really being obtained beyond the allurement of one’s initial observation.
While I certainly believe it is extremely important to be physically attracted towards our significant other; it would be negligent to use their outward appearance as the primary determinate in our decision-making process.
Beauty will not tell you that in the next year or so, they will still look the same, but is likely to be crazy as hell. Nor will it tell you that it is incapable of being faithful to anyone.
Just because a person has striking facial features and a body to match does not mean they will be honest, generous, kindhearted, and loving.
I’m not suggesting that everything and everyone possessing beautiful features should be watched or not trusted; I am merely recommending a person’s physical features not be one’s only deciding factor. The deeper we’re willing to invest in knowing a future love interest, the better our chances are that the relationship will have what it needs to truly blossom.
However, if we experience enough wrong ways to love, (hopefully) we eventually learn how to love, as well as, how to be loved, the right way. Allow me to share with you my experience choosing beauty, and only beauty.
Hard Lessons Learned Choosing Skin Deep Wrong Decisions
As someone who used to possess a distorted perception of “beauty,” I have since learned that true beauty doesn’t always meet conventional specifications, qualities, and/or standards. Nothing has proven this to me more, than the atrocious experiences in a few “loving” relationships of mine.
In many of the past relationships, I would gravitate to those who were immensely appealing to the eye, but who had no substance past their beauty.
One relationship in particular comes to mind, which lasted over seven years (off and on), and would consist of the other person denying the extent of our relationship to their family, our friends, and to me directly. I would constantly attempt to make excuses and lend my reasons when questioned as to why I kept putting up with their inconsistencies, unfaithfulness, and emotional abusive behavior. I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) tell them the real reason I put up with the behavior, because sadly, I wasn’t aware of the reasons myself.
Looking back on it now, presently in a more healthy and loving relationship, the explanation is clear, cut, and dry. I was merely attracted to their outer appearance and completely tolerable of their unfaithful behavior, because I was sure good things would come from being with them. Boy, was I wrong! The unfortunate part was how long it took me to see through the illusion of their beauty.
I would not cut off all ties to the abusive relationship until it became painstakingly clear that I was fooling myself to believing what I wanted to believe. Their actions never told me they loved me. In fact, if I would have paid closer attention, I would have seen that they didn’t even like me. Nonetheless, I have no regrets. The experience although painful was invaluable, and was instrumental in showing me what I needed to learn to appreciate the love I’ve found.
There are some lessons in life we will only ever learn when the pain they deliver shows up to teach them. (Tweet it.)
”What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.” ~ Leo Tolstoy (Tweet it.)
Now it’s your turn…
Have you ever made a choice concerning something or someone, based on its outer appearance, only to discover later that you made the wrong choice? What, if any, are you thoughts on the illusion of beauty? Please share any of your experiences, thoughts, or impressions with us in the section below.
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