Yesterday I received a question via email from a young woman by the name of Yvvone. Her email was short and to the point, and read: “How can I really let go and forgive and heal without looking back and move forward with my life after a terrible break up?”
First, I want to express my sincere appreciation and thanks to Yvvone for reaching out to me and inspiring this post. I decided to respond in this way because I am sure her case would resonate with others. I applaud and celebrate anyone who has the courage to seek help with their release, and I hope this post satisfies as a just response, not only for Yvvone, but for anyone who currently is in need of understanding the content of this message.
“Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.” – Anonymous
Painful Lessons Are the Best Lessons
A few years ago, I found myself in a sticky situation of family politics and drama. The experience left me feeling hurt, broken, and frankly, angry as hell. However, it would eventually teach me a thing or two about forgiveness.
Forgiving others who have mistreated us or taken advantage of our trust can be extremely difficult. However, it is possible. We simply must first give ourselves the time and space it takes to heal.
Don’t rush it, just let it happen.
Every wound heals eventually. If we let the wound heal, without picking at it, it will heal relatively quickly. Furthermore, even if we keep picking at the sore, disrupting its process to heal – it still heals. It simply will take a little longer.
Here are a few more pointers one should consider when seeking forgiveness.
- Whatever is held on to that needed to be released will surely consume its host.
- Forgiveness is personal. It begins and ends with the individual. (Tweet this.)
- There is no set way, nor are there any steps one should anticipate taking concerning forgiveness. The process is different for different people and different situations. The only requirement is a commitment to forgive and an open heart and mind to do so.
- Prayer and/or meditation are perfect companions on the path to forgiveness.
- Remember, pain is an excellent teacher. While it’s not always easy to see the good in unpleasant situations, if we wait awhile, given it another look down the road, in time we soon realize that it had its reasons for being.
“He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass.”
~ George Herbert
The Release Breakdown: R.E.L.E.A.S.E.
In the breakdown below, I came up with an acronym out of the word Release. Using personal experiences, I used each letter “R-E-L-E-A-S-E” to signify “Realization, Excuse, Lay it out, Eliminate, Amend, Strategy, and Embrace.”
Realization – Realize that something or someone left you feeling incomplete, wounded, or took advantage of a situation or even, you as an individual. Once recognition is reached, and the shock has worn off, a person can begin to move towards forgiving themselves for permitting it to happen and others for doing the deed towards them. Realization doesn’t express or imply that what happened was right or fair; it only acknowledges that a cause and effect transpired.
- Excuse – Understand, the core values, principles, and ethics people believe are as unique, as the individual that accept them. For this reason, people should use these types of situations as opportunities to see themselves more clearly. By excusing people’s negligent behavior, we have the privilege of checking ourselves and ensuring that we aren’t practitioners of such behavior, being ever so grateful when it is not.
- Lay It Out – Lay it out there for the offender in question, not to get a rise out of them, but simply informing them of how their behavior or what they said, offended you. It is not meant to be a screaming match, but rather open dialogue between the parties with the intent being reaching a mutual understanding and resolve. If a screaming match is to be expected, or happens to occur during the exchange, people should either, not bother altogether, or stop the conversation immediately… matters will only get worse and a solution will never be reached.
Eliminate – Avoid drama, alleviate any need to be apart of it, and remove the drama-makers (only out of your presence… for goodness sake, don’t kill anyone). Oftentimes, we find ourselves in situations like these because we completely ignored earlier signs suggesting we expose the behavior, or excuse ourselves from the individual beforehand. To reiterate what I wrote in my eBook “Release Vol. 1 The Power of Celebrating the Smallest Victories,” “Hurt people, hurt other people.”
Do your homework before giving people full access to your life. Stop welcoming hurt people to your life party. (Tweet this.) Take my word for it… they can’t help it, but they will ruin it!
- Amend – If salvaging the relationship is beneficial to an individual than honesty with self and others is essential. However, as Maya Angelou once said, “When people show you who they really are, believe them.”
Strategy – Use the time to “know thyself” better. In knowing who we are better, we know what we want, as well as, what we will do if ever faced with the same situation. Essentially, forgiveness is another way of saying, “Thank you. Lesson learned… that will not happen to me again.”
Embrace – The most challenging part of forgiveness is accepting that the offense or misconduct could have happened any other way, than how it occurred. It also suggests that we embrace the new life, new relationships, and new experiences that will be ushered into one’s life because of the offence.
Once “The Release” occurs and only then, can we ever move on with our lives and on to better things and people.
Over to you,
Do you have any words of wisdom you might add on this discussion of forgiveness? Did the post resonate personally with you in some way?
Please share any thoughts, insights, or any personal experiences you might have in the section provided below, whether you agree or not. All contributions are welcomed. I only ask that the contribution be respectful of others.
Thank you for your continual support, feedback, and sharing of RMT’s post. Blessings to each of you.
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