“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”
~Henry “The Fonz” Winkler
I have certainly made my fair share of assumptions. They were those ticking time bombs that for some reason or another, seemed to have needed my self-awarded expertise of coming up with the worse case scenario for everything.
I must say, I made an art form out of somehow always sabotaging an experience, by simply not giving it the time of day to even occur.
Everyone had a hidden agenda and was out to get me (OK, maybe that was a bit dramatic).
I knew I had this problem, and I also knew I had been given reasons and lessons to assume the worst. But then, I noticed that I was missing out on opportunities that only come by not making assumptions about the things or the people involved.
It was just one of the many practices of mine that came as natural as me blinking my eyes, that I had to figure out how to release myself from their tiger claw grip it had over my life.
So, this got me to thinking…
What are Assumptions and Why Do We Sometimes Feel the Need to Make Them?
What the Dictionary say they are…
- A thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.
- The action of taking power or responsibility.
The key words that caught my eye were… “accepted as true,” “without proof,” “taking power,” and “responsibility.”
What they are not according to my dictionary...
- Loans personal growth to anyone involved
- Useful information
- Purposeful or Meaningful
- An endorsement of any sort
“Who then benefits from an assumption being made?
If anyone benefits, it’s the individual who formulated it.
But are they really benefiting? No, they are not.
In fact, their assumption has led them to believe that their assuming is somehow rewarding them or the affected party(s).
One should always confirm any information that’s been given by checking its validity. If it is not checked and verified, any information recovered and disclosed is an assumption.
The mind does only what it was designed to do, which is to help you to be sure that you’re 100% certain in everything and every situation you observe.
Presuming that the mind is right 100% of the time, causes individuals to prematurely conclude that their mind is offering them accurate information, and always has their best intentions in mind.
Need I say, this isn’t always the case.
It’s important before making an assumption to cover what I like to call:
The 3 C’s to Eradicate Assumption Making
- Certainty – Be sure.
- Clarity – Be sure that you’re sure.
- Communication – Vocally confirm everything effectively
Taking the three into consideration leaves absolutely no room for us to assume anything.
Assume Nothing, Blame No One
Blaming… is a complete waste of time and energy. It never resolves the actual problem. In fact, it avoids the root of it altogether. There is never any more proof present than before blame showed up.
Yet, somehow it always manages to make an entrance, doesn’t it.
More often than not, the resolve resides in taking the power out of needing to control the experience, and blame pointing is just another means human nature uses to control the experience.
One thing a person can definitely expect from assuming is to be so far off the path of discovering the truth, that even if it showed up waving bright pink pompoms, they most likely will discount it as being apocryphal or unauthentic.
5 Basic Questions Asked: Denied Access to any Assumptions
So how does a person stop assumptions in their tracks?
By asking themselves these 5 basic questions:
- Does the person or situation concern me directly?
- Is my survival being threatened if my thoughts and opinions aren’t inserted?
- Can I provide proof and will the proof I provide leave me feeling positive afterwards?
- What does forming this assumption say about me and my character as a person?
- How would I feel if someone assumed the same concerns about me?
Answer these five questions, and I believe you’ll begin opening the kinds of doors to those experiences, where assumptions being made – by you or even about you – are no longer entertained, needed, or welcomed.
“Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.”
~Miguel Angel Ruiz
Access is granted for you to share your thoughts and insights…
What, if any, have been your experiences with assumptions?
Thank you so much for your support. Cheers and blessings.