“Love comes when manipulation stops;
when you think more about the other person
than about his or her reactions to you.
When you dare to reveal yourself fully.
When you dare to be vulnerable.”
There are some people who seem as though they’re easy targets to be manipulated. Apparently, I’m one of them. Perhaps, it’s my happy-go-lucky demeanor that somehow manages to attract this type of behavior from people. Or, it could very well be the willingness I possess to help whoever may be in need of something I have to offer.
I mean, I am a recovering people-pleaser, after all – and people-pleasers seem to fit the types that manipulators go after.
Whatever it maybe, I’ve had enough experiences in dealing with manipulators, that I’m well able to share with each of you, their modus operandi…. or their M.O.
Here lately, I have found myself biting my tongue, more than I think I should have too. I’ve had to hold back my opinions and thoughts on people’s sloppy use of communication skills; when holding back my truths on such matters, is the last thing I want to do and that I think I should need to do.
Whenever I have noticed, I’m being subjected to people who felt it easier to approach me using passive aggressive behaviors, rather than respect the relationship we’ve formed, and just be upfront with me. I’m left to wonder, how is it that some people are able to act so negligently with those they often say they love, cherish, and/or respect.
It’s quite amusing when someone chooses not to give another individual the common courtesy, of being truthful, honest, and open about whatever it is they are really expecting or wishing to communicate, in regards to the situation at hand.
If they were to receive a benefit from the situation, you best believe they would tell you the truth – and it would probably be involuntarily.
However, when they aren’t receiving compensation, a reward, or see a personal gain from the situation, they are capable of producing grand fabrications, in order to avoid the situation, altogether.
When it comes to those that manipulate, what we must do is to understand the mind of manipulators, and then we must decide whether or not we’ll entertain, their failure to disclose their true motives.
The “Actors” of our Lives
For the most part, these performers have mastered the art of playing mind games. I believe they know exactly what they’re doing when their messages have a few loopholes in them – don’t be fooled by their absent-minded antics. If you were to call them out on their exploitation practices, they would quickly deny their obvious intentions or become angry for being discovered.
Oftentimes, those who have chosen to respond to us manipulatively are not very skilled at lying… quite frankly; they are downright horrible at it. They may have mastered the gift of gab, but believe the gift is meant to be used for their agenda, no matter who has been affected, burned, or stepped upon to carry that agenda out.
In spite of the fact, they will attempt to convince you of their manufactured fib, if need be, to avoid having to respond to a conflicting circumstance that may not have even been meant, initially, to be a conflict when it was first fabricated.
If any of this sounds remotely familiar to you, then you, my friend, have been manipulated.
Look For the Strings
In my experiences, manipulators usually avoid being truthful, for reasons that are self-serving and completely unnecessary… or that seems completely unnecessary to you.
They have based their knowledge of handling conflict, solely on how they’ve been taught in the past, or they’ve had experiences with other manipulative practitioners; and have made the decision that if they couldn’t beat’em, they’d join’em, instead.
We humans, have a way of creating a mission where no mission should be made. We are able to make enemies of people who had nothing but the best intentions for us. We do this when we focus on the past that left us scarred and bruised, and enter into new well meaning relationships, expecting the same scarring and bruising to occur in the same fashion it was carried out before.
We lose trust for humanity, and then harness our success on the backs and weaknesses of others. Wherever there is no trust, the relationship will surely suffer.
Manipulation is a power trip, plain and simple. To me, it says that the individual, who’s chosen to use it, doesn’t possess the skills it takes to face the situation or the person, like the man or woman, they profess to be.
It’s a scapegoat mentality, and one of those things that once I see I’m being used as a pawn, I lose all respect for the individual who didn’t think enough of me to give me the civility of being honest with me.
The Strings: Signs and Symptoms of Manipulators
- They are unable to keep their stories straight.
- They do things that make you feel uncomfortable or that goes against your values and beliefs.
- They sometimes are unable to produce evidence to support the loopholes. Don’t ask for them either; they go into a panic frenzy.
- They have no sense of timing, except for their own. Yours is completely expendable.
- Loophole… look for them, there will be a lot of them. As I said earlier this week, things just don’t add up.
- They’ll make their disregard of using honesty, getting clarity, and using wisdom, all your fault.
- Their agenda is a lot more important than your self-worth.
- Their methology is to use the least amount of effort to get the most maximized results, at the expense of whoever is in their line of fire.
Again, if any of this sounds familiar to you, you’re a victim of someone’s manipulative M.O.; I seriously recommend you use the tips in this week’s Reflections.