Note: Due to my laptop crashing last week I was unable to upload Thursday’s post. Two recoveries and a new hard drive later, I’m thrilled to finally offer this post; and so grateful I managed to save it on a file disk.
Five years ago today, on April 5, 2007, my life was blessed to have found someone that has showed me what it truly means to love, and to be loved. It was on this very day I met my partner in life, and my lesson to love hard, began.
This message is not going to be one where I try to convince those that do not agree with my lifestyle to climb aboard the bandwagon of my way of thinking. Rather, I want to speak on the importance of you knowing that you are deserving of love, in whatever form it arrives in for you. I also would like to share why there is such a misconception of what love truly means.
Back in October, I wrote a post titled, “Open Your Heart to Real True Love”; in it, I employed you, the readers, to love hard.
“To love hard”, is something that society has begun to put restrictions and restraints upon. There are some that would have us to believe that not everyone deserves to be happy; not everyone is entitled to the joyous feeling that only love can provide us with.
I want to really challenge you to think about what society is saying about the topic of love. For the very reason they would like for us to buy into we are not deserving, is the very reason we are very much deserving. We are born and created in love, to do just that, love one another.
Eventually, as we grow up, we learned that our love wasn’t good enough or that we were giving it to the wrong things and people.
It is of no surprise to me that divorce is becoming a pastime, and that people are going through relationships as if it were bottles of free water.
It is because so many people have adopted the idea that they are not worthy of being loved. And so, what occurs is a personal self-sabotaging behavior; where the person will do things towards those they love to protect themselves from feeling a emotion that a past experience might have caused. Trust me, I know… been there, done that.
“We have a tendency to always test people’s love.’I want to see how badly I have to behave before you’ll leave me. Because I don’t really think you want me anyhow.’” ~ Iyanla Vanzant
When we have been conditioned and/or condition ourselves to think that we aren’t deserving of love, we tend to make choices based on those conditions placed upon us. How can any person have a meaningful relationship, when they don’t believe they are entitled and placed here on earth, to receive love and deliver it?
Love simply does not come in the form of conditions. It is a gift. Like any gift, we must allow ourselves to receive it when it is given. In the same fashion, we must give ourselves permission to give the gift as well.
However, love is only active when we give the gift to ourselves first; and by giving it to ourselves, we are then able to offer that gift to others. When we are unable to offer love, it becomes extremely difficult to receive it.
A Short Breakdown About Love
So why aren’t people able to find or feel love?
Well, Iyanla Vanzant said it best; “There are two emotions, love and fear.”
The misconception that many believe is that hate is the opposite of love, but love has no opposite. Either you do or you don’t. Just as there is no opposite of light, because darkness does not exist where there is light, such is the case with love and hate. The one cannot exist where the other abides.
If a person says they love something or someone, they love it, everything about it, the perfections and imperfections, alike. There is no room for exceptions, restrictions, or conditions.
Love is unconditional; fear on the other hand comes with exceptions, restrictions, and conditions.
Love allows for growth; fear steers people away from growth, and keeps them seeking the familiar and comfortable.
Fear shows a person why they “shouldn’t” or “can’t” love. Therefore, whenever we allow ourselves to love, what we are really doing is allowing ourselves not to feel the fear that love can render.
So, how do we allow ourselves to love?
We reprogram our idea of what love is, we learn to recognize what love is and what it is not. We allow ourselves to feel it in its entire splendor; knowing fully and wholly that we are deserving and worthy of having it. Then we trust ourselves to know that we can render it, allowing love to mature us and grow into what it is supposed to be.
We begin looking for more reasons to give it, than we look to receive it.
Lastly, we allow this all to begin within us, by starting first loving ourselves.