There’s a chancy piece of advice that’s causing many people to miss out on reaching their fullest potential.
I know because for many years I would allow that same risky lesson to keep me stagnate. The golden advice, “Never forget where you’ve come from.”
Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t hold pride from whence you came, but holding pride and allowing your pride to hold you back; are relatively two completely different things.
While it is good to remember the lessons we were given; I’ve come to believe that sometimes forgetting where we’ve come from is an idea we may have to adopt whether we want to or not.
I’m certainly not recommending that you forget to the point that you don’t apply the useful lessons of yesteryear, but if you’re reading this blog; then that let’s me know you’re seeking more for your life.
If that is the case, then there may come a time when your goals and dreams will not align with the beliefs and mindsets of them that knew you back in the day.
You May Have to Forget the Way it Used to Be
I wrote a post awhile back titled, “Releasing My Mindset.” In that post I wrote, “We should always aim to be better than we were the day before. We should constantly and consistently seek to become better than we were on yesterday.”
So let me ask you this, what is “Person A” to do while in the midst of them letting their old way of thinking go; the people that once couldn’t get enough of their presence of them, have now decided that not only have they had enough; but because “Person A” is seeking more for their life, they are now considered a sell-out or even worse?
Listen, if success or simply a better life is what you seek, and you know the crowd you used to spend most, if not all of your time with, isn’t quite amused about the changes you’re making; you must know that you have a very hard decisions you may need to make.
- You can continue to fall in line and appease people who would rather you do as you’re told, conforming to their desires and wishes; but by doing so, you will keep getting the same results you’ve always been getting.
- Or, you can bid those who wish nothing more than to control you with their mind manipulations, farewell; and then precede going after your goals and dreams.
I must warn you though, if you proceed forward towards those goals and dreams, your old fan club will decrease dramatically. People you thought would always be there supporting you along the way; will all of a sudden vanish almost into thin air.
People love familiarity; especially when it can be controlled by them.
Once you give up that familiarity, and begin throwing people off by not doing what came normal for you in the past; you can pretty much begin to forget all about where you came from.
As a matter of fact, you don’t have to forget it at all, or them for that matter; they will sometimes do the hard work for you. Oftentimes without even a single clue as to what they’re actually doing.
“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” ~Maya Angelou
Never Put Your Happiness on Hold
My partner and I have been together, come next month for five years. Out of those five, we’ve been monogamous and have lived together for four of those years. I have to let you know as well, that he’s of another ethnicity; you’d think in 2012 it wouldn’t matter, but unfortunately in certain parts of this great planet it still does for some.
In the beginning of our relationship, it seemed everyone was accepting of it. However, life tends to happen and things certainly have changed.
I’ve had people who have told me they don’t agree with the lifestyle altogether, and have completely cut me out of their lives because of it. No problem, good riddens.
There have been some that told me, because my partner is white; he’s only using me and will leave me when he’s done. He’s been absolutely supportive of me and my endeavors… Next.
Then there have even been some that live in the same city we live in, less than twenty minutes away, whom I used to be extremely close with that haven’t been to our home in over a year and a half. Now that’s funny! Like I said before, things certainly have changed.
Now I won’t say that none of this has been easy or that it hasn’t hurt me; after all I am human.
However, when my happiness is not being thought about, and the individuals who “love” me would prefer me to renounce my happiness; because it inconveniences them; that to me shows signs of a person who isn’t content with their own life, and would prefer to run the lives of others.
If you allow other people to run your life, you betcha bottom dollar they’re going to do just that.
Say you’ve devoted time, devotion, and effort towards a dream or goal you’ve set. If you come remotely close to accomplishing what you’ve set out to do; don’t be naïve to think everyone will be overjoyed that you did what you said you would, or be happy that you’ve been rewarded for your dedication.
People are a funny bunch. Much like the minds of crabs they don’t always enjoy seeing another get ahead. A lot of the time, it’s not even the point that the individual is getting ahead; it’s more so that they are passing the hater up.
Aeschylus was quoted to have said, “It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered.”
Leaving the Familiar to Reach New Heights
Although I have lost some of my closest relationships in chasing after my dreams; I realize that I could not have gotten any of what I have done accomplished had some of those people been there. So in that aspect, their leaving was actually a benefit that worked out fantastic for me.
I’m sure that’s not what they had in mind, but oh well… to them I say “Thank you very much.”
You should also know that the Universe conspires for us to succeed at everything we do.
So whenever a person desires to leave, or if you yourself must cut back time with certain folks; you should know that their exit, will more than likely offer an entrance for more beneficial and productive types of relationships.
You will begin to notice that not only do these perfect strangers support you, but they will also inspire you to achieve your goals and dreams, as well.
You may have to cope with being alone for awhile though, but you won’t have to bear that burden for very long.
Stay focused on the matter at hand. Keep the door open for the right people to come through it, by staying positive.
Forgive them that left, improve upon yourself, and don’t let anyone make you believe that you have to always remember where you’ve come from in order to succeed.
So in order to reach your fullest potential; sometimes you may have to lose in order to truly win.
Discussion Part:
Do you believe that sometimes we have to forget where we’ve come from in order to be successful? Have you ever had to lose very close friends or family in order to reach a goal or dream?
Share you experience with us. There could be someone reading your thoughts that may be in need of hearing what you have to say. And don’t forget to share this post with your friends and family, as well. I believe it will assist many, or maybe help them form their own opinions about the topic at hand.
Update: Be sure to check out WROAR with Rob White, Jk Allen, and myself every Thursday. Cheers and Blessings!
{ 51 comments… read them below or add one }
Dear Deeone,
Thanks a million for sharing your truth. We are kindred spirits
I have also gone through what you’ve described above…all of it!
The great news is that “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”…we are being strengthened to grow into the people we were destined to become. Like the butterfly trying to emerge from the cocoon, it’s a battle to break that cocoon, and the harder we try to break it, the stronger our wings become in the process. The stronger our wings become, the further we can fly once we break through.
Eckhart Tolle once said, “Those with a heavy pain body are lucky.” Those of us who have suffered more than others are lucky because our potential for advancement is greater. As you’ve said, the Universe knows what we want and is always conspiring for our greatest good.
Birds of a feather need to stick together, so let’s do that! Together we will fly and fly and fly, as high as we can! That is our destiny!!
As you’ve said, these supportive “strangers” are appearing from seemingly out of nowhere, like angels to help us reach our greatest potential, which is the reason we are here. NOTHING can stop us when we know why we’re here and we’re determined to live our dream and live our purpose.
NOTHING WILL STOP US!!!
Your forever friend,
Rachel
Hi Rachel and Welcome to the Release, my dear friend!
Thank you for taking a moment out of your busy day to read this. It’s actually one of my longest post, but I really felt it would help someone in need of reading it. I can truly see through many of your shares on Facebook that we most certainly are kindred spirits, and it’s been my pleasure to have had the chance to have cyberly met you. I totally agree that we need to take that meeting further since we’re both here in Atlanta. We’ll have to set something up, for sure.
It’s funny that you should use the butterfly’s metamorphosis as a reference here… I have often compared the changes that have taken place within me to that of the caterpillar emerging as a butterfly. I’ve even done a series on the comparison here that I call, “It’s Not the End, Butterfly.” I find the metamorphosis to be a fascinating story of transformation and hope. One of my favorite quotes comes from Richard Bach when he said, “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.” Isn’t that powerful?
I’ve been studying a lot of “Great” people lately, and one thing they all have in common is struggle. They were told they couldn’t, wouldn’t, and shouldn’t. They didn’t have much, but learn to “DO” with what they were given. They learned to master themselves, and not try to master others; yet they knew that they were here to help others.
We can’t help everyone, because not everyone desires to be helped. However, I believe that those who need or want our help are placed in our path along this journey called life.
I love the way you think, my friend. I totally agree with you as well. We have to surround ourselves with people heading in the same direction we’re going in. If we don’t, what happens is one of the two personalities (or however many may be involved) will win. If a positive thinking person is constantly allowing negative energy in it’s surrounding; then the negative energy is going to overcome them, every single time. We don’t always want to think that people have that much power over us, but in reality they really do.
We’ll have to set something up soon, maybe lunch, coffee, or something. This week probably won’t work for me, but we’ll see what happens with next week.
Thanks again for stopping in and reading the post. I really appreciate it and you. Enjoy the rest of your week, my friend. Cheers and blessings!
Hi Deeone
Thanks for another wonderful and insightful post. In answer to one of your questions, yes, sometimes I do think we need to forget where we came from if we want to make significant strides in the right direction. I think often times, many people take pride in things that serve to hold them back, like growing up in a tough neighborhood or coming from a ” hard-working honest family”’, which holds the underlying implication that not having money is somehow virtuous and all people with money must be bad.
I am sorry to hear that people in your life are not supporting your relationship and life choices, but as we all know, everyone’s criticisms and what not are all about them and have nothing to do with us. It is hard to shake it off sometimes though because we are human and prone to having emotions! It can hurt to let people go sometimes, but in some cases, it is necessary.
I personally have not had to let anyone go as a result of pursuing the life I want but I have certainly met resistance from people close to me who just do not seem to understand why I want the things I want and who cannot seem to hold back on guilting me about how my choices are upsetting them — of course, I am truly not hurting anyone with my choices but because they interfere with what other people want, it naturally causes some strife. Truly living as we desire will almost always pose challenges for various reasons, specifically because it makes people think about their own choices that they may not be happy with. We challenge the status quo and it can make others uncomfortable.
kelli cooper recently posted this awesomeness..A Life-Changing Question: What Will I Gain From This?
Hi Kelli,
You’re absolutely right on what you’ve shared here, and thank you for being so candid with me. There are so many times I allowed opportunities to pass me by because of what I thought other people would say, if I decided to go forth with whatever it was. It never dawned on me back then that if I have to think about how other people might feel on something I want to do; then I should look further into what it is. If for no other reason, then to come to my own conclusion about it.
As you mentioned, it can be hard to shake off people who mean the world to you; yet, the way I look at it now, those that we love should never put us in a position where we have to choose. I really had to learn to get a grip on my emotions, because they were really taking me on a voyage, that I did not want to continue being on. Thank goodness for wisdom, forgiveness, and a desire to improve, eh?
That’s a real blessing that you’ve never been placed in this kind of position before. I would say that’s something that should go on the list of many blessings, my friend.
For as you so well put it, when we challenge the status quo it sometimes tends to ruffle feathers here and there. 
I’m up to ruffling feathers; especially if it’s going to get me where I desire to be, and becoming who I need to be.
Thanks for the awesomeness, my friend. I love reading your thoughts here, always.
Have a great weekend ahead! 
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..My First Steps Towards Growing Forward: A Student of Life and an Extraordinary Opportunity
Deeone,
There are some things which can be hard to write. I’m not sure how difficult this was for you – I know, for me, this would have been a very challenging piece to share. And still – when I have done that – it’s taken me to that place – the edge of my comfort zone (or beyond). The thing is, every time – I come out in a better place and moving forward in my life (just as I’m sure you experience too). Not that it’s always some instant thing – sometimes it takes a while. And that’s okay, too.
Anyway, thank you for sharing a part of your story – and in so doing, reminding me of what this life I’m living is all about, and what matters…
Peace,
Lance
Lance recently posted this awesomeness..Courage Is A Tricky Thing
Good day Lance,
It’s funny you should say that. This was actually a very difficult post for me to share. I’ve had it in my head for some time now, but I was always hesitant about sharing it here on the blog.
I shared it though for one purpose and one purpose only; I shared because I really do believe that I’m not the only person that has or will experience what I’ve experienced. It can also be seen by those that have continued support to count their blessings, because it can certainly have worked out the other way for them too.
But you’re absolutely right, with me writing these types of post, I come out on the better side of them and find that it helps me to move forward with my life and my goals. I hope it doesn’t come across as being negative, because that certainly wasn’t my intentions. I desire to help those that may be trapped in a way of thinking about themselves that isn’t conducive to who they really are; which I believe is a lot of people.
To change though, takes what you’ve written about; which is courage. Without courage we cannot grow, or even see the need to do so.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, my friend. I appreciate your presence here.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..The 3 Steps of Intuition’s Confirmations
Hey Deeone,
This post made me think a lot (that’s a new things!
) But yes, sometimes our past or people do hold us. And that has been true for me. There are some dreams on which I had to compromise because I had to think of loved ones. Now, I don’t regret it because I feel that it was after all, a decision I took and stood up for.
We sometimes have to do things or make decisions which hurt others; but we have to keep in mind what is more important to us – maybe at the particular time or maybe when we see the picture on the whole. But for me, I feel forgetting where I come from is something which will be tough. Not that I can’t let go but because I feel we all have different priorities – I think it is like what works best for one and what doesn’t.
There are a lot of factors which go into that decision.
I hope I made sense!
Hajra recently posted this awesomeness..Better with the lights switched off!
Hajra, I’m so glad that you said that! That’s so very true!
What might work for me; won’t work for the next person or yourself. It’s a lot to be taken into consideration when approaching this topic. If I would’ve considered every option, this post would certainly have needed to have been a series… or even a book.
I know that sometimes a person has people in their lives that do support them and push them along. Then there are times when we make our decisions based on our priorities, values, and beliefs.
At the end of the day, as long as we’re content with the decisions we have made, nothing else really matters.
This post was mainly for those that have decided against something they really wanted to do, and have allowed the opinions of others to keep them from doing it.
However, I am still glad that you left your angle on things, because I was able to clarify a bit more than I was able to do in the post.
Thanks for that, my friend… and for taking a moment to check the post out.
You’re amazing! Cheers!
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Why Do I Need to Have Patience? I Want it All, and I Want It Now!
Deeone,
I love that we are so in sync! I am writing a series on letting go in order to renew yourself. This is the perfect article to compliment my thoughts. I truly believe that we need to let go of our past–where we came from and what we were, as well as some people–in order to welcome the present moment and all those opportunities to enjoy the now and to blossom for tomorrow.
Thanks for sharing your story with us. I love how open and raw you are. Its very welcoming. I agree, there are times when we need to let go of people who are not loving, kind and upbuilding in order to move ahead in our life. If they are weighing you down, you feel heavy and your spirit is clouded. It is very hard to be happy and to move on when feeling like this. It may seem difficult to do, but the freeing feeling and the rewards are completely worth it.
And, to add, sometimes when we make the choice to stand up for ourselves and to not tolerate anything less than what we deserve, others see this and they may benefit from our examples.
Joanne Cipressi recently posted this awesomeness..10 Ways to Renew Your Mind, Body and Soul for Spring
Hi Joanne!
It’s awesome to read you, my dear. I will definitely have to check your series out. I knew from your past writings that we really do have a similar way of looking at things. I look forward to reading what you’ve come up with!
It’s an unfortunate truth though, isn’t it. Sometimes we have to make those types of calls with those close relationships. Yet, if we don’t the parties involved will always believe that they can control us by doing the same thing, and pulling those same tricks. Standing up for what we wish for ourselves is not to be mean, negative, or callous; it’s only to show that we value ourselves enough to respect who we are.
I’m delighted that you appreciate my openness; I used to hide my feelings in the past, and that just never seemed to work in my favor… EVER!
So owning my voice has been a bit of a challenge for me, but it continues to reward me with confidence and a willingness to learn more and go after my dreams.
Your comment really nailed it though. That’s exactly what “RMT” is all about. I desire to be an example to those that think they can’t do whatever it is they want to do; simply because society, family, or friends, have told them it’s not possible for them. I lived the life of unworthiness for years, and it almost cost me my life. So now that I’ve found my liberation, I will not be heading in the backward motion appeasing people anymore. Those days, I’m overjoyed to say, are over!
Loved your thoughts, my friend. And thank you so very much for sharing them with me.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Own Your Butterfly Wings!
Fascinating discussion, Deeone. I have noticed some of the same trends that you have seen.
For me, it’s been a conscious decision. My partner and I have decided what we wanted out of life (He has certain career ambitions. I have certain goals I want for my business/work) and so we have made a conscious choice to minimize our exposure to people who don’t “get it”. This means that our lives have shifted…and are getting ready to do so again.
It seems like a sacrifice…that we have given up some friendships, given up “settling down” etc to chase our dreams. But we are both on the same page, and it’s a decision we made to pursue our dreams. Most people won’t do what we have done. But then again, most people won’t have the life that we have (and are building).
Thank you for this post, my friend.
Steve Rice recently posted this awesomeness..006: AWAKE! Podcast – Who Are You, Really?!?
Hey there Steve,
Thank you for sharing such an forthcoming response with me here. I love the idea of what you and your partner are doing. It is very similar to what me and mine are doing, as well. I think you can relate when I say… it’s not that we don’t want people to know what we’re doing; it’s just that we respect one another enough to keep any outside noise from coming in.
It’s always a good thing to stay on the same page. That’s the glue that usually holds everything together in relationships; along with unrestricted communication, forgiveness, and room to allow the other individual the ability to grow.
I’m so happy for you, buddy! Keep up the awesome work! I wish you both the best in your endeavors.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Thank your Doubters
Love this post, Deeone!
I have learned that I can use my past to inform and understand my beliefs systems but there is little value in letting the past define me. Instead I am defined by my attitudes and behaviors today.
I have the opportunity to take what I like from my past, and leave the rest. It’s essential for me to live my life today, and let yesterday stay in the past.
I have lived a life of growth, progress, and change and there are many people who have not been supportive of my choice to live a happy life. It sounds strange and yet in my experience some people are comfortable and settled in ignorance, sickness and unhappiness. Often those people resent my desire to be grateful and happy, and those people have rejected me or I simply let the relationship fall away.
While I do believe my life is better without other people’s negative influence, I do still love many of these individuals. I recognize their choice to be unhappy and dislike their behavior while continuing to love them as a whole person. I may choose to limit my time with them and they will continue to be cared for in my heart and treated with kindness and compassion.
Have a grateful day!
Chrysta
Chrysta Bairre recently posted this awesomeness..Simplify Your Digital Life
Good day Chrysta,
I’m delighted to hear that you enjoyed this, my friend. I also really enjoyed your feedback to the post. We are not defined by our past, as many would believe; instead we are defined by what we do with the past, and how we allow it to affect us today.
I am so passionate writing about the past, because I know a lot of people, like I used to be, are stuck right there and don’t have any clue of how to break free. In the area I live in particular, I see it more than I would like to; but in seeing it so often it also inspires much of my content here at “RMT”.
In forgetting, I also find myself being able to forgive more than I used too. I have managed to step outside of myself and realize I can assist those who desire it to get past the hurts and mindsets of yesterday. I feel when I do this, they will be able to access the same growth, progress, and change, you mentioned.
I appreciate you, my friend. Your perspective always gives me cause to really consider what it is I really believe. If I haven’t formed an opinion about it; you challenge me to think more about it. Thank you for that.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Speaking Life Into Your Situation
Deoone, I don’t think we need to forget where we came from, but we do need to leave certain habits behind. In other words, we all have a choice what we pull forward from our family and friends. Some bad habits are good to leave behind and stop the cycle of actions and behaviors that do not work well. Great post… good things to think through. Thanks! Jon
Jon Mertz recently posted this awesomeness..The Other Side of Stamina – Success
You make a very good point, Jon. A lot of times that’s exactly what stands to be changed. The habits that have been formed, and the mindsets attached to them. Breaking the cycle of actions and behaviors can be extremely hard to do, but if a person can manage to do so; the reward will be great for them. I totally agree! Thank you so much for sharing the wealth, my friend.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Friends: Men and Women of Iron Part 1
Loved the post Deeone!
While I can never really forget my roots or where I come from, perhaps because of the wonderful and secure family support I had. But I can well understand what you intend saying here, which is something I totally agree with.
If there are things in your life that stop you from progress or tend to pull you back or down, they best need to be forgotten and left behind. Yes, it’s easier said than done, as we are humans and things do affect and hurt us.
Just as the case you mentioned so beautifully about the non-acceptance of your partner and your relationship by some known relatives or friends. I guess that is solely their problem or their way of thinking, which we get affected by (but natural). This happens because we had good relations with them and everything was fine earlier, which changed just because you wanted or had things that you felt comfortable and happy with. But they don’t really realize or feel that sense of happiness for you, instead think about their own-self- isn’t it? And I would call that being very selfish and self-centered.
I feel we really don’t need such people in our lives who don’t know how to value us or our feelings. And it’s best to let such people leave your life, because that is what will allow you to move ahead without giving things a second thought.
Loved the first picture a great deal- speaks volumes! And hope I manage to hear WROAR once again.
Thanks for sharing yet another awesome post, something that most of us have become to used to now.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Harleena Singh recently posted this awesomeness..Steps to Resolve Family Conflict
Awww, thanks for this awesome comment to the post, Harleena!
I so appreciate your spirit, my friend.
I loved the opening to what you had to say on this too. I find such joy in reading about the closeness of you and your family. It’s truly a blessing to have that, isn’t it?
It’s so important to have people in our lives who support our happiness and endeavors; not necessarily agree with them, but accept the fact that we each as individuals have to travel this road alone.
If we put limitations on our loved ones growth, happiness, or even their dreams and aspirations; we are silently telling them that we love them, but with restrictions that they have to upkeep. And like you said, that’s very selfish and self-centered.
Love doesn’t come with restriction. You either do or you don’t. It grows or it doesn’t. It’s really that simple.
I think it’s also important that we allow our loved ones the room to be themselves. We’re all different, and that’s the joy of being alive. People need to spend more time celebrating the differences, and less time looking for how we are so.
Again, I really appreciate your thoughts on this. They really touched me in the best way.
May you have a delightful weekend as well. Cheers and Blessings to you.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..The Power of a Single Word
I am indeed blessed Deeone to have such loving parents and an adorable family. Guess I can never imagine it otherwise, or really realize how people who don’t must be undergoing in their lives.
You are absolutely right about having people around us who understand, support, and love us for who and what we are. I think that makes a world of a difference to your personality and inner growth and development.
Loved what you wrote- Love doesn’t come with restriction. You either do or you don’t. It grows or it doesn’t. It’s really that simple- so very true! I think we deserve that freedom to really evolve ourselves- isn’t it?
Thanks so much for your awesome reply- it always gets me really thinking deep and venturing further within myself.
Harleena Singh recently posted this awesomeness..Steps to Resolve Family Conflict
If there were like buttons attached to my comments here; you’d be getting one right about now.
Thanks for that, my friend. I so appreciate you! <3
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Why Do I Need to Have Patience? I Want it All, and I Want It Now!
It takes courage to grow and bravery to grow more. Thanks Deeone for sharing and leading by example. In peace.
Hi Ntathu and Welcome!
You’re absolutely right, my friend. Courage is definitely a key ingredient to ones personal growth. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Make No Mistakes About It… Forgiveness Is For You
Deeone,
A very thoughtful twist on an old “Dad-ism” we’ve all heard. You are absolutely right, there are things from the past that we just need to let go of. “Eat the chicken and spit out the bones”, as they say.
As a Dad though, I know exactly what that saying means from the other side. We try to raise our kids right, and we believe what we pass on to them to be valuable. We hope we gave them a good foundation they can build on. But at some point we have to let our children grow up and make their own decisions.
Our parents had dreams for us. But often they are the dreams they never realized for themselves. Those are dead dreams, and it’s not our job to resurrect them. We have to find our own dreams, and give them life. And sometimes that means letting go of a past we’ve never even lived, but was passed down to us.
Ken recently posted this awesomeness..A Hymn for Breathing
Hi Ken, great to read you, my friend.
Thank you for giving your thoughts from a father’s perspective. I appreciate it because it offers what the parents intention may be when stating the phrase at hand. I also loved what you said about finding our own dreams and giving them life.
I know that whenever we’re being told to “Never forget where we come from”, we are really being told to hold dear to the lessons of yesteryear. I believe that the lessons we were given, were given in a time where the dreams of the lesson givers were limited to what they knew to be possible at that time in their lives. They could not have known the opportunities or possibilities that we would face in our lifetime.
So while they were preparing us for life as adults, the preparation advice that might have been given may have had some time sensitivity to it. Sure, some of the lessons stand to be valuable tools that will never lose their abilities to impact our lives; but we should test each tool constantly to verify that it’s still just as useful as when it was taught to us. What no longer applies or serves its purpose, should be placed on the shelf or tossed out altogether.
Thanks for the awesome feedback, my friend. Great message.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Speaking Life Into Your Situation
amazing post Deeone
letting go can be a real challenge for some people, i do let go but only when i find myself forced to do that and of course this causes me lots of problems
thanks for sharing this with us
Thanks Farouk,
I know what you mean, bud. It wasn’t an easy feat for me to learn how to do either, trust me.
Yet, just because it’s a challenge doesn’t mean we shouldn’t consider letting some things in life, that we cannot change, go. I’ve come to believe that for many of us it takes us having to be forced by life to make those decisions. I also believe that when life forces the issue on us, it has given subtle hints in the past that we simply ignored; and so life sends us a wake-up call to pay attention to the matter at hand. In every problem, there lies a lesson. When we focus more on the lesson and less on the problem; we get better about letting go. This is how it’s worked for me in the past. 
Thanks for the feedback.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Thank your Doubters
Deeone,
I especially love the Aeschylus’s quote: “It is in the character of very few men to honor without envying a friend who has prospered.”
In fact, it’s like this post was written for of me. I have come to realize that once you are making progress and improving in life, your friends who aren’t keeping up will begin eliciting jealousy, envy, and hatred towards you in a subtle way. Sometimes, they can’t even control it; you will already sense it by the way they act. When I began noticing this, I had already sense that it was time for me to begin building new and better relationships with people who would be too busy working on their dreams to have time for jealousy. I think as one grows and improves mentally, spiritually, and financially; one should as well make the effort to improve one’s relationship.
I once heard the saying: ” if you want to keep getting what you are getting, keep doing what you are doing.” I knew that if wanted to improve my situation in life, and go after my lofty dreams, I would have to desert those jealous, lazy, do-nothing friends.
Tony Robbins once told a story of a client who came to him seeking financial advice. Client: “Tony, I am already making 500,000usd per year, give me some tips on how I can increase that to 1 Million per year.” Tony: “How many of your friends make up to 1 Million per year?” Client: “hmmm. none of my friends makes up to that yet.” Tony: “If you want to make up to 1 Million per year, move with friends who are already making up to 1 Million per year.”
It’s very important that we mind the kind of people we spend most of our time with because they make great an impact on who become.
Giles recently posted this awesomeness..Does it bother you when people criticize you or gossip about you?
Good day Giles,
I’m incredibly delighted that this post met you in a way that mad you feel it was written for you. It’s for this reason exactly why it was written. I wanted people who were dealing with this type of situation to consider that it’s not that they are doing anything wrong that are causing the people around them to change; it’s the change that they are causing within themselves that’s making the people around them change towards them.
This motivational speaker I’ve recently connected with actually puts it this way (and I absolutely loved it), “Remember, it is not that people are not supporting you. It is that you are reminding them that they could be doing something different. The herd does not like it when a member pulls away. It shows them that there could be another path.” Isn’t that powerful?
I used to think that the people I surrounded myself with had no real bearing on what I would do with my life. I have sense learn that they have everything to do with it. Who we attach ourselves to influence the decisions and choices we’ll have to make, and some will even cause us to steer clear of success because we won’t want to pass them up or cause them to feel bad about our success.
There have been many speakers, Tony Robbins included, that tell people to look at their “Top 5.” Have you heard of this? Those top 5 people we spend the most time of our lives with. It’s in those top 5 that we learn the most about how we see our dreams, aspirations, and goals; and also just how serious we really are about going after them. If the top 5 people aren’t going after anything, then nine times out of ten; neither are we.
That would change not only how I approached my current relationships, but also the new relationships I’d allow into my space of influence in my life as well.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Friends: Men and Women of Iron Part 1
“The herd does not like it when a member pulls away. It shows them that there could be another path.” What a profound statement! Yes, I have heard about the fact that the top 5 people we spend most of our time with do have the greatest impact on us. It’s just like the old cliche: “show me your friends, and I will know who you are.” That’s really true. This doesn’t mean that we should be aloof to those who aren’t stretching and growing like we are, it just simply means that we should mind the people we spend our time with. And of course, we can’t forget where we came from, but we mustn’t remain there. If we aren’t growing; we are definitely doing the opposite- atrophy.
Giles recently posted this awesomeness..Does it bother you when people criticize you or gossip about you?
Very well put, Giles!
The last part of your comment is the tag I’ve been toting around for myself, as of late. These days I find myself constantly saying, “It’s all about the growth!” If it’s not causing me some type of growth, in any form, and in any way; then it’s not serving me a purpose at this moment in my life. That may self-centered in a way, but I believe in order to reach success in life, we have to be self-centered to a degree.
That doesn’t mean being arrogant or belittling other; it just means knowing when to put oneself (feelings, wants, and needs) first. And I’ve come to realize that there is a time and a place in life, when we have to take that type of stand for ourselves.
Giles,
Great comment! Paying attention to who your friends are can be one of the greatest factors in our life success or failure! In addition to the cliche you mentioned, I have also heard that if you average the income of your 5 best friends…that will be pretty close to your income. (Makes me wonder who Warren Buffet hangs out with.) Finding friends like Deeone who challenge us to be better people and reach beyond our backgrounds is the best way I know to keep growing. Have an incredible day! Just wanted to say thanks for the great comment!
Burl recently posted this awesomeness..Starting Education Revolutions!
Thank you for that, Burl!
I’ve gotten a lot better myself choosing who I attach myself to, and deciding who I give the most of my attention too. One of the things that helped me put this into perspective was what I begin to see in those closest to me when I was down on my luck.
Losing my lifestyle (job, money, home, etc) was the best thing to have happened to me (and no, I didn’t see it that way then). It helped me to see who was there just for what I had to offer them at that time, and who was there because of they just wanted to be there.
Life has a way of showing us who’s true and who’s not. We don’t always enjoy though what life has to show us; but it’s the most beneficial lesson that life offers.
There are plenty of famous people with all the wrong people around them. We can see evidence of that throughout their careers. I think that’s the case because they didn’t look deep within themselves before the success came to fruition, to see if they were drawing the right people to them. And they certainly don’t assess the relationships afterwards if they didn’t do it before.
So what happens is they are surrounded by people who are always taking what they have to give, and never bringing anything into the relationship. And as I put in one of my post about friendship… it’s all about the sharpening one another. Each person in the relationship must bring growth… if not, the relationship like a flower in a garden will simply wilt away, because it’s not receiving the nourishment it needs to survive.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Friends: Men and Women of Iron Part 1
I really loved this post! I’ll be pinning it on pinterest!
George recently posted this awesomeness..Speaking your truth: it’s not just for you
Thanks for taking a moment to read it, George.
I really appreciate it. I’m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..My First Steps Towards Growing Forward: A Student of Life and an Extraordinary Opportunity
Your words always move me, Deeone. Your post is very insightful and for so many it’s important not to lose sight of their roots. Too many do, trying to become something they’re not. Trying to fit themselves into a mold to be successful.
But then there are those who need to leave their past behind because it’s so filled with pain.
The most important thing we can do is to be true to ourselves. When we honour who we are, we follow our passion, and live with purpose, we are living as we were meant to.
Dare. Dream. Be. Discover. Make a Difference. That’s what life is all about.
I am so glad you are you, my dear friend,
Shelley Lundquist recently posted this awesomeness..The Sales Flick
Good day Shelley,
Thank you for that kind compliment. I am thrilled that you enjoy my work.
That’s a very good point about people losing their identity altogether looking for success. There are those instances when the individual is going about it all wrong. In those cases, it’s best for those individuals to find out who they are, before they forget what actually has bought them there.
When we know who we are, we leave no room on this journey to be like anyone else. We accept our place in this world, and set out to leave the imprint on humanity that we were meant to leave. Getting to know ourselves can be a journey of discovery in itself.
But you’re absolutely right, when we honor who we are, we are living as we were meant to live. Loved that second to the last line. That could be a quote…. or a tweet!
Thank you again, my friend, for your very kind words. Cheers and Blessings to you.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..The 7 Keys of Greatness: What makes the Great great?
Very personal article Deeone! I am asked from time to time the question of, as a straight male WASP, how can I have friends who are gay. Some I only know online, like you, and others are part of my life in “real life”. The answer might surprise you and others. It is because I am a Christian, not in spite of it. The church has gotten such a bad name for pointing out sin in others. Any and every sin. I know this isn’t a Christian forum, but please give me a little latitude as I am openly coming from a Christian Worldview with the following comments. When someone does not have a relationship with Jesus Christ, they have not repented of sin and decided to follow his plan for their life, then from a Christian Worldview, that person has a label of “sinner”. It isn’t pejorative, it simply is a description of one who has not acknowledged a need for redemption through faith in Jesus. So, stay with me…if someone is a sinner, then living in such a way that isn’t in line with what the Bible teaches isn’t only natural, it is exactly what they should be doing! If we didn’t sin, there would be no separation from God and no need for Jesus to have died and resurrected to make a plan for our salvation. I am commanded by my faith to love others. I haven’t met anyone yet who doesn’t want to be loved no matter what their faith, sexual preference, race or background. I do take issue with those who claim to be in a relationship with Jesus and then continue to live in a lifestyle of sin. (No, that isn’t code for “gay”, it is any sin…sexual or otherwise.) I hope that makes sense, especially to those who have been unfairly and unjustly hurt or ostracized by those who claim to be believers or at least church goers. For too long, the church has been seen as a giant behavior modification club rather than a group of people who want to follow the God of the Universe with everything in them.
Burl recently posted this awesomeness..Starting Education Revolutions!
Hey Burl,
I can both respect and appreciate your view on this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so openly on this topic. I commend you as well, for being open to building relationships with others; and not have those relationships based upon the persons preferences or background.
Lately, I’ve been having the pleasure of connecting and building, what I think will be, lasting friendships with people who possess your similar approach to life. They may not agree with everything or understand all that comes with an individual, but they never allow their opinions to shadow the character of the person in question.
Those are the kinds of people I am now seeking and attracting to me.
And I believe that it’s only because I cleared out those that were speaking the wrong things into my life, as well as changed my conversation too.
Thanks again for your thoughts on this, my friend. I really appreciate it.
You are more than welcome Deeone. I look forward to the day that I can say I know you in “real life” too. I appreciate your openness in your blog with your sharing so many personal stories. Your experience with a “cross-racial” relationship is valuable for people of all backgrounds. I was in a long term relationship with a Hispanic woman for about a decade. I understand the frustration with people who can’t just see you as two people in love but must put race labels on it. Have a great day and keep bringing on the awesome work my friend!
Burl recently posted this awesomeness..Starting Education Revolutions!
You and me both, my friend. I look forward as well to that day. I have really appreciated your support and encouragements that you have given freely as a dear friend. I realize that even though we may have different backgrounds and views; I think it says a lot about the both of us that we’re able to move forth continually building the friendship, and breaking boundaries that we were never meant to cross. That says a lot about the character of a person when they’re able to carry that out; especially in this day and time. Thank you for continually getting what RMT is all about, and me as well. Awesome day to you as well.
OMG these words are SO very true!! I never ceases to amaze me how there are people who are constantly upset with their lives and frustrated that they are stagnant, but yet their entire existence revolves around the past–past friends, past relationships, past jobs and living places and experiences–it is like “back then” is all they truly know, not realizing that the key to seeing their dreams for the future manifest is walking away from those things of the past for good. You said it–I believe that there’s a belief with this type of mindset that letting go of the old crowd, experiences, etc. means letting go of the life lessons learned. This is how I used to be too and I had to learn through emotional hardships that yes, there can be an effective detachment from the familiarity of the “good old comfort zone” without losing the lessons that those things and people taught you.
I completely love what you said about approval and support–that is something that I’m walking into and embracing right now in this chapter of my life: that the only ‘approval’ of how I live my life that matters to me is my own and the Man above–everyone else, who cares? LOL And in terms of support, I’m learning the hard lesson that If I want to maintain to sanity and peace in my life, support must be balanced–a 2 way, evenly-paved road. The same applies with love.
Thank you so much for this–as always, it was very timely and a true blessing for me! You are amazing!!
MELISASource recently posted this awesomeness..Changing Your Self-Perception | Words of Empowerment by Pink
Hi Makeba,
I’m delighted you enjoyed this, my friend. After years of mind conditioning being done, it can seem impossible to break a way of thinking for some people. That’s why there are communities that has been designed to enforce the mentality of people. When a person is constantly being told that they aren’t suppose to act a certain way, and not suppose to do a certain things; their mind begins to build an imaginary fortress to protect them from wanting any type of change throughout their environment. Once that last brick gets set, it’s dang near impossible to break down. Trust me, I’m still breaking down walls.
Something else I’ve noticed is that once an individual begins breaking down the walls of their comfort zone; the parties that resided in there with them begin to panic.
They loose their minds, literally. They see it only as one of the members straying away from the herd. They can’t (or won’t) see that the member of the flock is creating a better life for themselves. Automatically the thought that gets adopted is, “It must be a rebellion against everything the herd stands for.”
It’s that mindset and also things that you shared, that keep people from breaking outside of the familiar. The comfort zone is a killer of dreams; that’s a new saying of mine… Heck, maybe even a future post!
People get trapped there and have no idea of how to go about escaping it.
I do like that you threw in there the element of reciprocity when it comes to getting support. Funny how people never notice that a person’s presence is missing, until they notice that no one is there puckering up like that individual did. Again, people are a funny bunch, aren’t they?
I’ve become aware of is that once an person begins infringement down the walls of their comfort zone; the party that exist in in present with them begin to fright. They slack their mind, factually. They see it only as one of the associate wander away from the group. They can’t see that the portion of the gather is making a improved life for themselves.
Hi Deeone,
So good to be back. Living each day to be better than the last is something I’ve strived for my whole life.
It’s the only way to really reach your ultimate potential. Sometimes a big part of that is looking at those around you and seeing whether they will help you become a better person or drag you down.
I think of many of my friends who got stuck in groups that took drugs and can see the impact it had on their lives.
Thankfully my own friends have always been a help vs an anchor.
I think it helps to remember where you came from as well, as long as it doesn’t become a focus that keeps you from progressing.
I draw from my experiences of fighting through cancer from time to time, but if I focus on it I can get fearful and worried.
That’s not productive.
Thanks for the excellent debate and reflection. Will be listening to WROAR now.
Bryce
Bryce Christiansen recently posted this awesomeness..60 Seconds to Better Communication (Slideshare)
Hi Bryce, it’s great to see hear from you, buddy!
I loved your thoughts too man! Good stuff!
What you’ve stated is exactly the reason for this post. We should want to be better than we were the day before. In order to truly do that, we have to look at yesterday and see where we missed the mark. Otherwise, the only thing that can come of our wanting to be better is a repetitious series of events.
We must constantly “check our influences”; ensuring that the main players in our lives are aligned with the direction we desire to head in. As you’ve shared, if we have a group of friends doing things that will cause us to be distracted from our goals; that influence will most definitely win us over, in one way or the other.
I loved what you shared when you said, “I draw from my experiences of fighting through cancer from time to time, but if I focus on it I can get fearful and worried. That’s not productive.” That was golden dude! OMG!
It’s all about balance, I think. When we use the past or certain experiences of the past as tools to be better, we must be careful that it’s supplying us growth; and not just an out to not do something. We can’t forget where we come from, but if it isn’t causing us growth we can decide how much of ourselves it will get from us.
Thanks for the awesomeness buddy! That was great!
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Would You Allow Your Gifts to Be Stolen?
eey! nice blog!! keep doing it! blessings!! =)
Thank you Juan!
I appreciate you for sharing your thoughts bud! Cheers!
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Would You Allow Your Gifts to Be Stolen?
Hi Deeone,
It’s hard to remember where you came from when you’re always faced with what you are or could be. I do think we need to stop being what other people want us to be and start being ourselves or at least trying to find out who we are without people around telling us who we are.
Best wishes to you, for a magnificent weekend.
Daniel
Daniel recently posted this awesomeness..Emotional Freedome Technique: What Is EFT Therapy & How To Do EFT?
Hi Daniel,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, mate. Being who you are and/or who you may want to become, in a world where your environment is telling you who you should or shouldn’t be, is the most difficult thing a person can experience. Yet, a person has to learn to hear their own voice, if for nothing else, it will always tell them what they most desire. Oftentimes, we miss those little messages, because we’re getting so much outside noise telling us other things.
Great point shared, Daniel. Thanks mate. All the best to you as well. Cheers!
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Would You Allow Your Gifts to Be Stolen?
Hello, amazing post, but so true. I have a very close friend who has a friend who we choose not to be around. The friend is envious and feels entitled to everything others have. Very pushy, overbearing, has no boundaries. We have made it clear that when our friend is with that person, we don\’t want any part of being around the toxic behavior. Needless to say, our friend knew that previous to it being brought upon us anyway. As to considering the happiness of others and expecting us to feel awkard, just isn’t happening. So true when others are not happy with their own lives, even changes have to be made and questions to is this person really our friend, knowing that they bring around discord for us? Why the person using their friend to do this deliberately. To have others experience the discord also and share it with us. The Tide Goes out
It sounds to me you’ve both weighed out what being engaged to this person would mean for your own self-preservation, Reflecting. I commend you for taking a stand for yourself. Good for you!