There have been plenty of life lessons that I have learned since starting Releasing Me Today. The most important has been the appreciation of the friends in my life. Many of the life lessons I have learned were taught to me through trial and error of my own; being mindful of the energy I’m sending out, and tapping into the power within me.
I’ve also had to deal with some inner demons that had caused my life to quite frankly, steer off course as though I was driving a Mini Cooper in the Indy 500, but thankfully because of each of these acts that have taken place; I can truly say has helped bring about a totally complete change in my life.
However, I can’t take all of the credit for the changes; many lessons were certainly learned from other people, most of whom we’ve only by chance crossed paths throughout the blogosphere. These kind souls I have given a new name, more befitting to each of them. I call them “Men and Women of Iron”
Now, why on earth would I ever call a group of people that I’ll probably never get the opportunity to meet, Men and Women of Iron? (Although I hope this isn’t the case. It would love to meet most, if not all of them.)
The answer to that question though is actually really easy to explain. Read the following quoute… or verse; whichever makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside to call it.
“As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” ~King Solomon
I love this quote! Its like my favorite of all quotes! I’m sure many of you have actually seen me use it, even if only partly use it, from time throughout the blogosphere. It means a lot to me, and it also forms the very fibers of any given friendship. If ever in question of what being a friend means…. read that quote (verse).
In this life, we will each be blessed to meet people that impact our lives for the better. They are meant to inspire us to be better individuals then we were before they entered our life pages.
We each were created to share our life lessons and experiences with those whom our paths are destined to cross, in hopes that the lessons we have learned from these individuals will impact our life pages, and our lessons theirs in return.
However, the previous quote above has encouraged me to adopt this new name for those that I have chosen… or that I think I have chosen….. to be friends in my life. I only say “I think” because I’m beginning to believe that our paths were predestined to cross with some people, way before we even knew these individuals even existed.
I mean how else can it be explained when you meet a person and the two, or three, or however many of you there are; you each just click upon first impression of one another, or in getting to know one another. There have even been times, it’s almost as though my life was waiting for this person(s) to arrive; before it even would began to make sense any further.
In discovering my new friends in life, my life lesson have recently been to ask what can I bring to each given relationship; as well as what the individual I’ve given the title too brings to me, as well.
At this point in my life (and you may actually be here also), there are certain attributes that signals to me whether or not I should share the title with certain individuals. Some individuals simply don’t have what it takes to be called a friend, and that’s OK; mark them, know them, and both of you go along with your lives.
So how does one know with whom to share such a title with? As my mother used to tell me most of the time when I would call her with some type of trouble or problem I was dealing with, she’d simply say to me, “Pay Attention!”; like only she could say it.
So today, I’m telling you to just “Pay Attention” to what people are showing you about who they really are (DO NOT believe what they are telling you), believe that them that their actions will speak volumes. I have actually gone a little further in my assessments of friends, I not only watch how they treat me, but I’ve also now learned to watch how they treat other people, as well. For how they treat other people now, will eventually be how they will treat you later.
“The truth never lies, and imitators can fake many things… except for being real.” ~Deeone
I previously stated that there are certain attributes that signal to me whether or not I should share the title of “friend” with certain individuals. Well, below I’ve listed several pros and cons to keep in mind when throwing out the title of “friend” to those that may cross your path. Let’s start with the cons, shall we?
“The Cons” to Avoid in Friends
- Negative towards you or others
- Backbiting or gossiper
- Non-Supportive
- It’s always “give me” or “can you”, and never “would you like for me too…” or “how may I…”
- It’s a One-sided relationship that’s usually in their direction
- Judgmental
- Disrespectful
- Conditionally there when it’s convenient for them only
- Untrustworthy
- There’s no growth from either side
“The Pros” to Seek in Friends
- Positive towards you and others
- You both hold each other accountable
- You both are supportive of each other
- You share, divide, and offer
- It’s always a two-way relationship
- Advice, if needed is offered, not demanded, and certainly not enforced
- Mutual respect is given to one another and to others
- Unconditionally there whether it’s convenient or not (however, sometimes things do come up… that’s when being understanding becomes a priority)
- There is personal growth and development (you sharpen one another)
Let’s Discuss Part 1:
What did you think about this post? What did you think about the Pros and Cons; did I miss anything or leave any attributes out? Or do I need to take anything away from what’s already there?
I’m always interested to hear what you, the readers, are thinking.
After you finish leaving your comment here, I’d love it if you would head on over to Part 2. I could have made it all one post, but the second part I wanted to give those that were listed their own post.
So go ahead, leave your feedback and then click the Part 2 link provided, and if you can’t get to part two today, there’s always the next day…. comeback and check it out. 
"Welcome to Releasing Me Today where you'll find a heavy dose of inspiration, laced with encouraging life lessons to help you escape (be released) from the past falsehoods that limit your ability to achieve your dreams. If you desire to release the chains that may have held you back from mastering your life, then you're in warm company. Join me and let's share ourReleasing moments together. 
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Deeone, you have tackled a very big issue with all of your usual honesty, warmth and truth. In truth I think there are many different types of friends. Some are just aquaintences; people you know and seem nice. You never really get past the hello and how are you stage though. Hence…no growth. Then there are people who are really great friends but are never meant to be long term. They enter your life for a reason, perhaps to help you along, teach you a lesson or whatever but they are not meant to stay. They have work to do elsewhere perhaps but their impact will be felt forever. And then there are those friends you have forever. Even if you don’t see them as often as you’d like, perhaps circumstances have gotten in the way. I have a couple of friends like this. We see each other or get on the phone and it’s like no time has passed.
I like your quote. Sharpening is an interesting concept. True friends build each other up and will be honest to a fault. A true friend will take risks in the relationship and help you shine a light on your truth even if it’s hard at times.
My con’s lately have also included a refusal to accept my change and growth. We all go through stages of growth and learnng and also quiet times. I have had to release those people who cannot accept my growth and look to hold me back from it. What I’ve learned is it doesn’t have to be cut and dried, the relationship just needed new boundries and acceptance on my part as well.
The only pro I might add is that they are open and transparant. It’s not easy to be friends with someone who hides their feelings and true thoughts. It’s confusing and stressful!
Looking forward to part 2
xoxo
Bonnie recently posted this awesomeness..Say Yes!
Hi Bonnie,
Now, how did I know you’d be the first to leave your feedback? Was it the tease joke, perhaps?
I got the idea for this post last week, while talking with another friend of mine. We were discussing the quote about iron sharpening iron. In the middle of our back and forth messages, it hit me; I hadn’t done a post about friendships. Something that I hold very dear in my life, and that I try my darnest to be the very best that I can be at. There’s always room for improvement though, like most areas in our lives.
I understand perfectly what you mean by the different types of friends that come into our lives, and you’ll see in part 2 that I somewhat mentioned exactly what you said here.
You know how we are often saying how the other inspires, motivates, or encourage? That’s exactly what I believe is meant by sharpening. As a friend, we should constantly be found building one another up; making sure that we are delivering exactly what we are seeking from others. Like you said, “True friends build each other up and will be honest to a fault.” If I’m F-ing up, I expect “my true friends” to tell me, when no one else will. It’s only when they don’t that I’m left to question, “Where they ever my friend to begin with?”
What I find to be true is people want you to be the only one applying growth to the relationship, and then when that’s done; they fault you for doing too much. You can’t please everyone, but your truest friends will accept you right where you are. Now, I know from time to time, I myself can use the term very loosely. That’s only because I see everyone I connect myself with as a friend until they give me a reason not too.
I definitely agree with your pros, as well as your con… you hit that right on the head. Both to me can leave me confused and stress; when I have to try and understand what exactly my friends intentions are in the relationship. I don’t like using people, because I don’t like how it feels to be used. However, I know not everyone think in this light. Acceptance is key here. When we accept people for what they are able to do, we take away the feelings of disappointments, by lowering our expectations of others. After all, we’re all human, right?
Thank you for your awesome feedback, as always… can’t wait to see what you think about part two.
Oh dear I forgot about that tease remark! lol
Good fun!
You know what I realized reading your remarks here Deeone, is that when you strive to be a really good friend you attract people into your life who are also the same way. Interestingly enough it reminded me of an experiment I did with kids around magnets. We strike an iron nail or bar with a magnet (iron) and eventually the nail became magnetic. Goes right along with your analogy don’t you think?
I am thinking this post will attract some really deep thinking and maybe re-thinking around what relationships we are attracting and holding onto.
Bonnie recently posted this awesomeness..Your Attitude Will Make or Break it
The tease remark, sweetie, only reminds me that it’s good for us to laugh. And we’ve had a few good ones, cyberly that is. Could you imagine if we were in each other’s presence?! Talk about a laughing fiasco! hahaha
You know to be honest with you… that’s kind of the hidden plan. Shhhh… don’t tell anyone. Let’s keep that secret to ourselves.
No, but seriously I think most of the attitude that exist in the blogosphere, exist because there are some real A- ooo’s out there. People don’t really know what to expect when they see a new face. So what I desire to start doing with “RMT” is to put even more of my personality and pizzazz on my site. Can I do that anymore than I’ve done already? Yep, there’s more!
I desire to take it as far as it can go. One of my friends (not online) told me not to long ago, “you just trying to get rich and famous”. While that wouldn’t hurt, it’s certainly not my only aspirations. I really want more than anything else to have my own. I want to be able to contribute and
support… wait, scratch that… I want to contribute and be a help to other’s while literally helping myself. I can only do this by staying humble and showing appreciation for my life and those that are in my life.I’m hoping this post attracts even more like-minded individuals that can truly use what “RMT” is offering. If that happens, I’ll be one HAPPY man, indeed.
I love these pros and cons Deeone! I have found all of these to be so true–people who you think are your friends will demonstrate one (or more) of the cons that you listed above and then you’re left bewildered! — I have been burned so many times in my life by such people that the one thing that I pray for everyday above everything else is a spirit of discernment, so that I don’t end up in those same situations again. You are right — iron does sharpen iron, and it is always a good feeling to be acquainted with people who are strong, wise, caring, supportive, etc–people that can understand you and relate to you. It’s always a good feeling to have those “kindred spirits” that you can count on.
Great series!!
MELISASource recently posted this awesomeness..Music Mondays: Refuse to Stay Down
Thanks Makeba!
You know, I don’t think a lot of times people really think about what they do, or how they’ve made someone else feel. I hate to say that it’s human nature, because that would make me guilty of it as well.
But I know I am guilty. I don’t always tell people exactly how I feel, because I think they should know by my actions. However, not everyone is blessed with the spirit of discernment. In fact, some people don’t even have a clue what having discernment means. 
We sometimes have been so hurt by people in our past relationships that we block (sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly) potential friendships that could turn out to be blessings in our lives. And there’s really know way of knowing that the potential relationship would be a blessing to us; we’d have to take a risk, get to know the individual, and see if the relationship is a fit. Most people don’t get that far though. They eliminate any possibility of any kind of friendship, because of past hurts, learned and taught beliefs, and sometimes out of pure ignorance.
Again, I’ve been guilty of this many times. I’ve since learned to allow people into the gates of my heart. I have taken down the padlock, security bar, bolts, chains, the other padlock, undid the latch, moved the chair, tore down the wall…. heck, you get the point. Let’s just say, I was seriously protecting my emotions and feelings from ever getting stung again.
Then I begin meeting some wonderful people; Like-mined, goodhearted, kindhearted, genuine, people. Not only online either, offline as well. I think it was only because I opened my heart to let them in.
I simply got tired of making new people that entered my pay for the pain that those in my past had caused. It’s always great to come across someone that you might have missed out on had you held those feelings; that allows you to see that you made the right choice to let someone else in. Kindred spirits indeed, my friend.
Thanks for sharing the awesomeness of your feedback!!
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Friends: Men and Women of Iron Part 2
I love the King Solomon quote Deeone! So true! Your quote Rocks too!
Your friends list is spot on and I avoid people in the cons list as well. When I sent out my email and other ways to ask my blogging friends to give their support for the Best New Personal Growth blogger award I was blown away by the response.
Everyone that went and showed their support is in my friends category and I will never forget what all of them (including you ) had done by showing their support. It really meant a lot to me.
take care…
Justin recently posted this awesomeness..Mazzastick.com’s Guide 4 New Bloggers eBook
Hey Justin!
Thanks buddy! I’m glad you enjoyed both of the quotes.
One of the things I keep in mind as friends are concerned are favors. You see, I look at it like this. If a friend comes to me and ask me for one, I have several options to consider. The only one I consider however is the fact that my friend has come to me for something that they either want or need. In any case, it took a lot, I’m sure for them to get up the nerve to ask. If you’re anything like me it’s something HUGE for me to ask for a favor.
The fact that you did said that you really wanted or needed it. It took less than 5 mins for me to do, and on top of that I wasn’t put in a compromising position to make-up something that wasn’t true. So now, there’s several factors to take into consideration… The want and need, I’m capable and able to do it, and I know honestly that you’re deserving of it. Add all of those factors up together, and it became a pleasure for me to be able to do. That’s the kind of sharpening skills it takes to be a friend. The other saying that I tried really hard to throw in there was, “In order to make friends, one must show themselves to be friendly.”
I hope the impression you get from me, if nothing else, is that I truly appreciate your friendship.
Ah Deeone, I also love this quote but you do know how much I love quotes.
I think you are also spot on with the pros and cons lists. Because of what you listed in the cons list, I ended two very very very long friendships several years ago. My two closest’s and dearest friends in this world were always more about them then anyone else. Over the years other things were thrown into the mix until I just had it one day and said that I loved and respected myself more than how they continued to treat me. Either something changed or I was ending our friendship. Well, nothing changed so I moved on with my life.
It was really sad actually, having a friendship for over 27 years just tossed aside like it meant nothing at all. The really sad thing is that I’ve never looked back, don’t miss her at all and still don’t regret walking away. Wow!!!
I’ve always been an actions speak louder than words kind of gal. Always will be so when you are only all talk I don’t have the patience or the time for you. I don’t care how nice and caring I am, I’m not going to cuddle you and stroke your ego. I don’t have it in me.
Okay, I’m off to read part 2 now. So, see you in a bit.
Adrienne recently posted this awesomeness..How To Stop Those Unwanted Solicitors In Their Tracks
Hi Adrienne,
It truly is an awesome quote isn’t it?
It’s especially dear to my heart, because like you, I base all of my friendships upon it. If the friendship in anyway seem one-sided, and I feel that I’m giving the whole 100%; I have no problem whatsoever pressing on with my life. I totally agree with you on your feedback here, and I say BRAVO to you for knowing your worth.
I find that if “friends” are truly that they would seek resolution if they thought that another friend was ending the relationship because of something that they were or weren’t doing. The fact that they don’t, when they should, further lets me know that they weren’t actually friends to begin with. It’s quite OK if this is the case, because one has to be fully aware that people come into our lives for a reason, and nothing is on the books stating the friend will be there for a lifetime. I’ve gotten much better over the years respecting time, destiny, and purpose. They each deserve our utmost respect, wouldn’t you agree?
It’s is sad that a friendship of 27 years had to end because the young ladies weren’t mature enough to find resolution for the friendship. However, it sounds to me like you’re much better off anyways. And you know something else I believe; when we open our hands to friendships allowing the other person to leave at will, they either come back or they don’t. If they don’t, it was never meant to be anyways.
It sounds to me like we share more in common than I have ever realized before. I love my positive energy, I love to help other people and bring joy to their day, I love to make new friends and show my friends that I appreciate them; but I refuse… simply refuse to play the fool for anyone.
Very well put feedback, and I truly thank you for sharing it with me.
I love the pro’s list.
I think that’s why I love all of our readers over at Balanced Worklife. I feel each of them would easily pass the “pro’s list test”.
I especially enjoyed the point about using more statements like, “would you like for me too…” or “how may I…” That’s something I could be better at, especially this time of year.
Thanks for the great post.
Bryce
Hey Bryce,
Thanks for dropping in, bud! I’m also glad to hear that you enjoyed this post.
I actually gathered most, if not all of the pros and cons from taking a bit of self inventory. Taking a real honest look at myself presently as well as in the past; so that I could gather my own pros and cons when it came to how I treated my friends. I’ve done most of these if not all of them. Over time I’ve been able to make adjustments within myself to be a better friend; I also know that in the past I was one of those that had to have all about me, as well.
It’s all about improvement though… if we become better friends to other’s, we be able to get even more better friends.
Hi Deeone,
This is my first visit here and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thoughts about friends.
One thing I have come to understand about friendship through the years is that true friendship is unconditionally supportive and at the same time honest. This does not mean that what we hear from a friend is what we always want to hear but it’s usually what we need to hear.
Our true friends will do whatever they can to uplift, support and help us expand and we will do the same for them because we have a soul connection with whoever comes into our lives. We know that we are all connected. As we love others we love ourselves and as we hurt others so we hurt ourselves.
Thank your for an inspiring read!
~Marcus
Marcus Baker recently posted this awesomeness..How to see Lemonade When You’re Looking at Lemons
Hi Marcus and Welcome to the Release!
I am so glad to read that you enjoyed your visit here. That’s great to hear!
I apologize for just getting back with you; I’ve been out of town this weekend and won’t be back in my office until Monday evening; I haven’t been able to respond as promptly as I normally would. Nevertheless, it’s a pleasure to see you here. 
Like most things in life, humans tend to confuse things when we allow our egos to play such detrimental roles in our relationships. This is often where the “conditions” come into play with our friendships as well I think. A true friend should definitely expect support and honesty from those that share the title with them, and if support and happiness is absent, they may want to question the friendship. If a person can’t be real with their friend, who can they be real with?
I totally agree with you wholeheartedly with your feedback, Marcus. You shared here with us very important qualities to take into consideration when forming and maintaining friendships.
Very awesome feedback… thanks for sharing!
Please feel free to come back to the release anytime.
You nailed it Deeone.
Good people aren’t easy to come by.
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