There may come a time when we may feel the need to get involved in the business or affairs of other people. I have been guilty of this myself from time to time. I learned a valuable life lesson awhile ago that helps me to just stay in my own lane. This is a post that I wrote several months ago on my first blog, The Kingskidd Report. I didn’t have half the readers that I have now. So I wanted to share this with those of you that may appreciate this article and/or wanted to share it with someone else who might be in need of reading it. I do hope to hear your feedback on the article I named, “Stay in Your Lane, Boo”. For even the readers I had back then thoroughly enjoyed this post… I hope each of you will as well.
- This is often what it looks like when someone is in someone elses mess.
There are certain people that get a kick out of being in other people’s affairs. It’s almost like they crave the attention of being the all knowing “Yoda” of the world. They have the quick fix to all of society’s problems, they are an all-knowing relationship coach, they can tell you how to improve your life, but for some reason or the other they can’t seem to get their own affairs in line, if their life depended on it. These are the individuals that I’m advising today to just “stay in your own lane.”
Anywhere you go you can find someone who has did this or done that better than anyone has ever done it or could ever do. They more often than not, want everyone to know that they have mastered this area in their lives. The only thing is they haven’t and the evidence can be seen throughout their life pages.
How is it, a single man or women who has been alone for far too long, think that they can give the best advice on how you should improve your relationship? “Seriously, you are giving relationship tips now?” Someone needs to stay in their lane, wouldn’t you say?!
The ones that really have me going here lately are those individuals who are just so sickened by the fact that there are talks about legalizing gay marriages and gay civil unions here in the states. These individuals are doing everything they can, to try and stop someone else from obtaining happiness; and they are feeling absolutely no remorse in doing so. Instead of owning up to their opinions they are running behind the Cross and seeking God to back their own ignorance and hatred. C’mon people, just stay in your lane!
I can recall back in the day when I was attending church on a regular basis… OK, it was sometime ago, but the point is that my pastor at the time used to tell us, “You have an entire year to mind your own business. You have six months to mind your own and six months to stay out of other people’s matters.” Although I was still in my teens when he used to make this statement, it has followed me throughout my life every since.
I have even gotten myself caught up from not staying in my lane a time or two, co-signing or adding my views to a conversation; that after it was said and done, the other person took what I had to say tearing it to shreds, and conveniently leaving out the things that they had added. It was in those instances that I learned swiftly to stay in my lane.
“Stay in your lane” is just another way of saying mind your own business, but for some it’s like really, really hard for them to do. Life isn’t complete unless they are meddling, the world might not turn unless they know everything there is to know about everything and everyone. And God forbid, if you decide that you aren’t releasing any information or if you pick and choose the information you release… then you might be in danger of being released yourself.
Well, today here’s some advice that I had to learn the hard way. If you too are one of these individuals, listen up. If you know a person that could use this post or knows someone that knows someone, then please share it; send it; hell, retweet it if you must. This is something everyone should at least have in the back corners of their minds, and reach back for when the situation presents itself.
How to Stay In Your Lane
Butt out! Now, I am not naïve to think that everyone has this problem. There are plenty that know very well how to mind their own business, but for those who don’t have the practice mastered… this is the first rule of staying in your own lane… BUTT OUT! Leave other people’s matters to those other people. I guarantee when the dust falls and fingers are starting to be pointed at you, you would have wished you did. So get a head start on it, eh!
Why am I butting in? This is the first question after the first rule that an individual should ask themselves when they find themselves sweeping around another person’s front stoop. Why does this bother me so much that I need to add my .02 cents to it? Continue that with, “Will the world still turn if I don’t get involved?” The answer to that is, absolutely. The world will go on if we decide consciously to mind our own business.
Let it be. If you asked yourself the first question, Why am I butting in; and the answer you honestly gave is “it has nothing to do with me”… then slowly turn around, being sure not to draw attention to yourself, and walk away. If someone else just insist on informing you of an issue that they heard through the grapevine; it would probably be best for you to leave your views of it in that secret chest in your mind. Unless the person being discussed actually asks you for your opinion or view; should it be offered at any time. If they ask, then obviously they wanted to know… let them have it. It was probably killing you anyway to hold it all in.
Become a ghost of the conversation. It’s almost as though you are there… but not really. Completely blank out to what’s being discussed. If you don’t know anything, then you can’t comment on anything. You might even get asked, “Are you paying attention to me?” It’s ok to answer honestly… “Nope! Releasing Me Today told me to completely block you out” 
The less information you have on the subject at hand, the more you can become “ghost” on the issue at hand.
If you’ve done all of these and you still find yourself a part of a conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with you then simply stay in your lane. Leave the matter to those it concerns. I guarantee you’ll thank yourself later for doing so.
The benefits of staying in your lane…
1) No one will ever be able to say that you said this or that.
2) You’ll avoid an issue of the person being discussed, going “postal” on YOU.
3) You might even make an acquaintance of the individual that’s being discussed, and later find out that everything was a big misunderstanding or a rumor.
The consequences of staying in your lane…
1) You may become a tab bit unpopular with the masses, which is totally ok.
2) You won’t be in the “know”, which is totally ok, as well.
3) You might find yourself alone for awhile… but don’t fret on that too much either, the door for better individuals will open. Doors and people more in your lane.
Not minding our own business has many benefits and consequences, before we consider taking part in other people’s matters; we should always consider the price that we will ultimately pay. It’s certainly worth noting, eh?!
How important do you think staying in one’s own lane matters? Is it about skill? Or is it just being a meddler and keeping stuff going? Have you any personal experiences to share on the topic?
Please feel free in sharing your feedback about this topic here on this Early Release, and don’t forget to share it with other’s as well.
May you release those who won’t Stay in their lane, and Master your days ahead. 
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
Important point Deeone!
I guess some people do have the habit of butting in or conveying their point, even when it is not required. They may prefer going on harping about it also and this can cause the listener lots of irritation, frustration, or even pain and hurt in some matters.
A remedy for such people could also be to just voice your thoughts once and leave it at that- if its taken by the listener well and good, and if its not just let them be! You should not try to force or enforce your thoughts or ideas on people- till you are not asked.
Luckily, I have hardly come across such people as yet- and if I ever do come across such a situation this is the way I deal with it as well.
Thanks for the great tips and for sharing
Good day, Harleena!
You make a valid point there, Harleena. Those type of people can cause more hurt than actual good, and it’s wise to know them when or if they happen to come into ones presence. So, count your blessings that you haven’t come across any.
I on the other hand have had my fair share in the past. I’ve gotten a lot better though about dealing with such people. I keep my distance, mostly. I’ve come to the place in my life where I believe people when they show me who they are. When this takes place I kindly and quietly back up and out of their lives. I’m not claiming in any way to be perfect, but I do try to watch the type of energy that I allow into my environment.
Not to long ago though, I wasn’t as mindful as I am now. I didn’t want to miss any information that was floating through the airwaves. I learned quickly that getting involved in that type of information exchange will usually come back and bit me in my you know where.
So, no thank you… I pass!
Thanks for sharing your feedback, Harleena! I really enjoyed what you had to say. I will also be adding your remarks to my “lessons learned” list.
Great stuff!
Great insight, Deeone. Thanks for sharing the benefits and potential consequences of minding our own business. Most of us are so used to butting in to other people’s lives, emotions, beliefs, etc that being responsible for our own is sometimes a challenge. Great topic!
Good day, Steve!
Thanks for checking out the post mate! I couldn’t agree with you more, my friend. For some it’s almost like second nature. Some people wouldn’t have any business if they didn’t have someone else’s to spread.
Thanks as usual, bud. It’s always a pleasure to hear from you!
HI Deeone,
At the end of the day, I believe staying on your own lane has a lot to do about respecting the rights of people. Even when the things people say or do, you find displeasing or wrong, it is the right to those people to say the, as long as they do not incriminate or offend you.
I understand that those of us with a good heart tend to want to help, but if that was not asked for, then we should stay away. What we could do though is show an interest to intervene without actually asking.
Good day, Jimmy!
Thanks for stopping by, my friend. It’s always a pleasure to see you here at the Release.
I couldn’t agree with you more about it being a matter of respecting the rights of others. Most people don’t see it that way though. They see it as being an innocent, harmless thing that doesn’t affect anyone.
Here’s the thing that they don’t take into consideration and that I’m learning through becoming a better writer daily; our words whether written or spoken have the power to heal and mend, or hurt and destroy. It’s that simple. What we say whether we think it’s going to be just mere conversation or not, once it’s sent out there into the Universe it will accomplish what it was sent out to do.
I’m learning that its true wisdom to be mindful of what we say to and about other’s as well. It’s our choice of words that’s once spoken even about other people will ultimately show up in their lives.
I wrote a post awhile back that’s called “Speaking Life Into Your Situation“, and it I spoke about how my grandmother chose to speak encouragement into my life. Had she not done this, I know that I would not be who I am today. I have no idea who I would be, but I know that it would be the personality that I am. Because while everyone else in my life was saying that I wouldn’t amount to anything because of my grades, and I would be dead or sick because of my sexuality; my grandmother spoke hope, love, and change into me. Those things covered up most if not all the other things that people were saying about me.
I believe the same thing happens when gossip and similar forms of communication goes forth. Even though we don’t mean any harm in speaking it; the power that our words carry just kind of does what it was meant to do; whether we meant for it to do it or not.
I totally agree that if we aren’t actually solicited for help or requested to discuss another person’s matter; we should definitely steer clear from doing it. It’s a choice that we make to tear other people down. Just like it’s a choice to build them up. It’s definitely hard to abstain from it, because people are always doing something worth talking about. Yet, I’m daily improving my conversations to make sure I get better at choosing my words that I happen to send out into my world.
I really appreciate your feedback buddy! You made some great points here, Jimmy, Thank you for that; the Release wouldn’t be the same without you sharing your comments here.
Good points! I have learnt always to be careful when it comes to such people. but it is always good somebody to stress on it anyway!
Hey there Anna and Welcome to the Release!
I’m so glad you stopped by to check out the post, young lady.
Thank you very much!
You’re right as well, that it’s very important to steer clear of such people, mainly because if they will do and say such things about other’s; then we should also know that we aren’t excused as well from their topics of conversations.
So glad you stopped in and do feel free to come back any time.
Oooh…you have some heavy hitters for points today Deeone. Sometimes people meddle for different reasons I suspect. A lot of the time I truly think it’s to avoid facing and dealing with their own issues. As my Gramma said, clean up your own mess before you go looking for more.
But in truth I think there may be times when there is a real honest attempt to help. This is where your question about ‘why am I butting in” is sooo very important. The thing is people don’t often want you advice so much as they just want someone to listen so I’d add to your ways of dealing to this ‘ghost’ method (love that analogy) to shut up, listen and be present for someone.
Staying your lane is certainly good advice!
Hey there Bonnie,
I’m glad you enjoyed the post my friend. I really appreciate you stopping by and checking it out. I definitely will be stopping by in the morning on your side to see what that “Being right can be wrong” is about. It sounds like it’s a goodie!
I loved your feedback here, you have really nailed it in so many ways. One in particular, “…it’s to avoid facing and dealing with their own issues.” I’d have to say that’s a major affirmative! People rarely want to shine the light on their own stuff, so they find it easier to delve into other’s matters. The sad part about this is if and when we decide to put our own matters on the table we often see that resolution soon follows thereafter. I don’t know… maybe some people would rather hide from the truth than to face their own lies and deceitfulness.
Butting in is truly for the birds, I have placed myself in the path of foolishness so often in the past that karma has truly taught me an important lesson. That lesson I have continued to cling too. You said it best; shut up, listen and just be present. That I can truly do now. If it doesn’t concern me, and my help isn’t solicited; I can truly mind my own.
Thanks for checking this out again, my friend. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. 
This is such a great post Deeone! -And who at one time or another played the “unsolicited Dr. Phil” to their friends and family members, forcing their advice and opinions in hopes that they will listen. I know that this was something that I used to do a whole lot until I realized that just like I want to live my own life, other people want to live their own lives–and you can;t live someone’s life for them. It’s like what the comedian Sinbad said on an old episode of the tv show “A Different World”–he told Dwayne, “If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.” In other words, Unless a person actually asks for your opinion or advice for their life situations, just butt out, stay in your lane and let them stay in theirs. If they end up stalled in their lane or crashing in their lane, then that’s for them to deal with. I love this post! Thanks for sharing!
Exactly, Melisa! Sometimes people automatically render advice when the other individual didn’t ask or seek it out. It makes no sense at all. I would go a little further and say that it’s wasted time and energy on the other person’s part. I see it all the time. I use to be one of those myself that gave advice and opinions in other people’s matters; even to the point the other person wasn’t even there to hear the advice that I was giving. So by the time it got back to them, the advice had been torn up in such a way that I looked like I was the bad guy and only talking behind someone else’s back. Not a great place to be, let me tell you.
Yet, just like I had to learn that lesson, I am now one of those individuals who allow other’s to learn their lessons as well. I can only share my experiences and hope that someone will learn from the lesson that I’ve learned. If they don’t, oh well. No love lost. I simply shake the dust from my feet and move on. I have certainly learned to stay in my own lane. That’s for sure.
It’s nicer over here anyways. 
Hey Deeone.
I call these type of people “busy body’s.” They have way too much time on their hands and love nothing more than to meddle in the life of others.
Whenever I hear idle gossip or negative views coming from other people I tend to walk away from the conversation.
Hey Justin! How’s it going man?!
You’re absolutely right. “Busy Body’s” are the worst! They keep stuff going. It’s like the little kid that throws a rock and then places their hands in their pocket as if they hadn’t done anything.
The only thing about that is, just like that kid, “busy bodies” need to keep in mind that someone is watching and listening. And one day the rock will eventually get thrown back.
After reading this post Deeone I have one person in particular that comes to mind. My goodness. Not only do they butt in conversations unwelcomed, they voice their opinions as if they are God!
Of course the bad thing is that they may have had a lot of life experiences thrown their way but they are no expert in those areas. I’ve had to tell a few of them from time to time that this is a private conversation and although they weren’t too happy with me, they got over it.
I only voice my opinion if it’s asked. I never pipe into other people’s business and I’ve always told my friends that unless you want to know my honest opinion about something, don’t ask me because you’ll definitely get it. But it’s not God’s word, it’s only my opinion. You won’t get any lectures, just my thoughts.
Great post and glad you resurrected it from your other blog. I think this is definitely a lesson we all need to be reminded of from time to time.
Thanks Deeone!
~Adrienne
Hey Adrienne,
Thanks for checking out this post.
It was one of my favorites and I have to be mindful when I reach back for the older ones from my past two blogs, because not all of them match my niche here on the release.
It sounds to me that the individual that you speak of could certainly use this post though. I must be honest, I have actually emailed it to a few people that I know that are in need of reading it, I’m sure after this comment they’ll know my reasoning for sending it to them. Oh well, I’m one of those that don’t really like to talk behind people’s back. If I can’t say it to the person’s face, I’ll just keep it to myself. With that being said, I hope they read it.
I think it’s hard for some to realize that it’s not necessary to voice ones opinion on every single issue. Sometimes we’re meant to just be a sounding board. What bugs me the most is someone saying that they will be a sounding board just long enough for the phone to hang up or the person to leave out of their presence; then it’s on, the race to see how many people they can share your news with. Why go through all those extras. If they’re that pressed to get rid of the information it would probably work out better if they written it in a diary or journal. Relaying someone else’s news is just childish and immature I think. In the long run, all it does it allow people to know that they just can’t depend on the person that can’t keep things frozen from opening the door so much.
I’m like you, I only give advice and opinions if they are sought after. If they aren’t, then I won’t. It’s that simple. Now, I have been known to drop feedback that later is found out that someone is dealing with that particular issue; that’s not my fault…. maybe that was something that needed to be heard.
It’s all about choosing ones words wisely and knowing when, where, and with whom to drop those words.
Thanks for the great feedback, Adrienne. I hope that you’re enjoying the rest of your week.
Deeone,
You spoke the truth here my friend. You know it only hurts us to get involved in other peoples affairs. We all do it form time to time and most of the time we only want to help. But we have to remember that people don’t want us in their business…and if they do, they will invite us in.
I’m the kind of person who has to be careful because I love to help other. That naturally drives me to wan to jump in and assist…but I have to remind myself that it’s my lane boo!
PEACE
Hi Deeone,
Love how your new blog is coming together. What are you using for your about me. I need something like that for my blog, but haven’t found anything that great so far.
Loved this topic, lately I’ve been seeing way too many people get involved in personal affairs that weren’t their’s to mess with.
You wrote this beautifully.
Thanks,
Bryce
Hey Bryce,
My apologies for just getting to your message buddy! I’ve been moving like a train today nonstop. I had a little mishap with my blog for the last two days and had to rebuild the site back to working order. I lost all of the images, plugins, and widgets, on my site and ended up having to start over from scratch. Needless to say, it’s been busy on my end.
As far as the About me is concerned, the one that I’m currently using came with the theme that I have… it’s called themeblvd author box. Now, on the thesis theme that I was trying to upload, I ran across a plugin called About Me 3000 widget. I thought that one was really neat as well. It also gives you the option of using the various social links on it as well. It’s pretty easy to set up too. I think I may even download it here and see if it works. This theme is so touchy though. The developer really only gave the basics, and you have to use his products as well. Or go behind the scenes and do some custom CSS on it; which I think that’s what messed me up on the thesis theme. I do hope that I can get that back. I was loving the new look.
Thanks for the feedback on this post as well. I’m glad you enjoyed the read, my friend.
Hey Deeone,
Unfortunately I know/knew too many of those people who constantly butt into other people’s affairs even when their own life is the one that needs tending to. Then if someone tries to comment on their life they act like they’ve been scandalized or something.
It’s been said, but the people who need this advice are the people who think they know it all, and thus will never read something like this and would certainly never take advice from anyone.
Re: gay marriage, I often am amazed at how intent some are to prevent other people from being happy. It sucks that for some to be happy it’s like we have to take happiness away from another group, even as irrational as their unhappiness may be.
It seems like there’s not enough happiness to go around, although there should be…
Hey John,
Great to see you here, my friend. Thanks for sharing the awesomeness!
You’re absolutely right though, unfortunately these type of folks are far and between too many to be counted. They spread their venomous words, and dare anyone else to call them on their stuff. It’s as though they don’t own not one mirror in their own house, or a broom to sweep around their own front stoop. The sad part of the matter is they are usually the main ones that are in need of adjustment in their lives, but have been blinded by their inability to see the reality of their own situations.
It’s probably also true that such folks won’t lay their eyes on this post as well. How I wish it wasn’t the case, but we know that these people usually have little to no time at all to read anything, let alone this blog or any other blog for that matter.
The quote that comes to mind for me in this instance is one that I’m sure you too are familiar with, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
When we have more time to discuss other people; we lose out more of ever achieving true happiness for our own lives. It may seem that there’s not enough happiness to go around, but theirs plenty to be had if only we learn where true happiness lies. Within ourselves. I finally have learned to stay in my own lane, and because of it happiness no longer evades me from reaching it. The rock has been overturned and under it I have truly been able to find an abundance of happiness.
Yours was an awesome comment, my friend. Thanks again for sharing it.
Great post Deeone.
Years ago I got in the middle of some friends’ divorce. (I was single at the time, which speaks to your point about not butting into situations you don’t understand.) And in my simple, self-righteous doctrinal correctness, I determined that God didn’t want this divorce and did everything I could to intervene. Having become fixed on the only acceptable outcome, I totally ignored the feelings of the two people involved. It was a done deal to me.
Well long story short, they got divorced anyway. He remarried, started a family and was happy. She moved away and I don’t know what happened to her, but I expect she found happiness as well.
Meanwhile I damaged a dear friendship because all I could see were religious rules, and not two real people who were hurting.
Ken recently posted this awesomeness..Creative Bankruptcy
Wow Ken, this was the perfect example of releasing moments.
Thank you so much for sharing it here with me on this post.
A lot of times we allow our egos to get the best of us. We’ve all done it, but not all are wise enough to own up to it. We spend countless amounts of time afterwards trying to fix what we’ve already added injury too. I’ve been caught up in such instances before on too many times to count here in this comment section. I’ve learned the hard way to stay clear of other’s affairs unless a) they ask us to intervene and the advice we are offering will bring healing and growth to the situation, or b) when the advice we are choosing to give isn’t going to eventually come back and bite us in the you know where.
It was a hard lesson for me to learn, because believe it or not; I thought I always had a quick fix for other people’s affairs. And although I have a tendency to give awesome advice; what I had to come to learn to do is be ever so cautious about the advice that I decide to give to others. I’m much better today, as I know you now share this as well; I keep my eyes ever focused on my life and the changes that I need to take. I look less and less at the changes needed for others.
This was really some rather awesome feedback, my friend. I’ve come to expect anything less though from you.
Thanks for that, Ken.
Deeone recently posted this awesomeness..Tulip Flowers, Life’s Purpose, and Lesson’s Learned
{ 1 trackback }